Relationships

__ Long Term Relationship
__ Committed Relationship

I was asked that question on a form as I registered with an online lesbian group. So I asked Lorna, my spouse of nearly 15 years (I won’t get into the spouse, partner, lover, etc titles issue) what she thought I should pick.

Like I just said, we’ve been together for almost 15 years. I would say that is a long time.

We are also as ‘married’ as the current laws of this nation and this state allows and therefore we are committed to each other.

So….how to answer that?

I saw you coming down the sidewalk and I knew, at that moment, you were the one I was waiting for. It was not love at first site, no, it has grown to be more solid than that misunderstood urban legend. We met as friends, wanting to spend a few hours together to get to know each other.


We decided early on that we would do whatever it took to stay together for the first two years. Counseling, rule bending – whatever it took. Unless it was a mutually agreed upon act, we would be together for at least two years. Ha. Those two years flew by.

“I need you to understand something. I’ve got some rules that I’ve put in place to protect myself. When I say I want to take a bath and be alone, that means I want to be alone. I need my space.”
“Of course. That’s easy to understand.”
“I may take a magazine and be in there for a long time.”
“Yeah. And…?”
“You don’t have a problem with that?”
“Nope. We all have our boundaries and there is nothing wrong with needing or wanting to take time off to be alone. Is there a problem I should know about?”
“It’s just that I’ve been with others who never understood alone meant by myself.”
“Oh. Rude people.”

We were living in Florence NJ. A nice quiet little town. Never saw anyone though. We often felt like we were the only ones that stepped outside their door. Anyway, my brother and his girlfriend (now wife) moved in with us. We stood up for ourselves and said that we were not going to change our lifestyle just because they were there. They had to accept that we were as much a couple as they were and expected to be treated as such. We did, however, promise to remain clothed and decent when outside the bedroom. They promised to do the same. As if my brother would ever take off his shirt anywhere near me!

Our first rings (for a total of $35) we bought in New Hope PA. Sterling silver circles that symbolized our monogomy only by being rings. The design was simple, plain. The way we wanted it. Six years later, we bought another set, again silver, but this time the design was more obvious. Afterall, we were about to get married (in recognition of our our tenth year together) in our church by our newly ordained pastor Rev. Wood. A cross, two linked rings, and a flying dove are prominently displayed – black engraving against the silver material. The folks at Cokesbury were uncomfortable with it but for the amount we were paying for the rings, they didn’t refuse aloud. However, the order was ‘lost’ and had to be re-submitted which meant our rings were not present at our ceremony.

Our rings are not here yet so I have no ring to traditionally put on your finger. We are not even really blushing brides so there is no veil to raise. I would get down on one knee for you but I can’t. I have said for months now that we have the Union part down, now its time to put the Holy in it. As much as we are individuals, together we reach our full strength and potential. In this church, we have gathered around us a rather eclectic group of individuals. All of us together reaching our full strength and potential, gathering together to praise and worship God. (from my vows)

So, are we in a long term relationship or are we in a committed relationship? The answer, I do believe, is yes.