Two jokes fer ye today.
From CripHumor:
My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were driving through Texas. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when he walked up to the car.
“I have never been stopped like this before,” she said to the officer. Because she drives from her electric wheelchair in a lift equipped van this some how usually works and the policeman winds up just giving her a verbal warning. But, this time, the officer asked, “What do they usually do, ma’am, shoot out the tires?”
Yep, she got a ticket.
From my brother who got it from Joke-A-Day:
Take some good advice: Never try to baptize your cat.