Used to, I just sat down and wrote. My mind wasn’t crowded by crap such as sentence structure, plot, and the dreaded Show, Don’t Tell. (shudder)
I could sit down and write several thousand words a day and not break a sweat. A story just flowed from one point to the other, rambling along its way. When it was done, I just cut out what didn’t need to be there and fixed the rest.
Now I’m lucky to get several hundred words a day. I keep thinking (which is a problem of its own) about where the paragraph/chapter is going, how to keep it in line, etc etc etc. I don’t let the story just take off and take me along with it.
It’s driving me nuts.
It started not long after BGCFA was released. I stopped writing for myself and started writing for Them. The fun, the joy, was lost in the chaos. Or, perhaps, it was lost in the order. Chaos is something I almost thrive on. Yeah, sure, I like my sheets to match. And I like all the spoons in the drawer to face the same way. And watching me play Tetris would make you think I have OCD. Trust me, I don’t have OCD (or CDO, which is the same but in alphabetical order like it should be).
I am trying to write, honest I am. The deadline isn’t bothering me, so that’s not why I am failing. I tend to set myself up to fail in order to prove I am scum on the pond God created. I may not have OCD but I do have OHR. Anyway, I am trying to write. I want to let loose what is inside but it is hesitant. Afraid to show its face only to get slapped down by the Chicago Manual of Style. And since it knows the CMS is a hard back book of 956 pages, it isn’t going to just rush out and greet the world again. I may be crazy but I ain’t stupid.
What I think I will do is dig out my Zen, select the Writing folder of music, and just start typing. Worked before. Maybe it will work again.