Winifred, better known as Winnie, was Lorna’s mom. She died early Friday morning, March 2nd. She had been put into ‘hospice care’ at the Masonic home where she lived. They didn’t move her, just had some extra staff for her. Lorna went up two weeks prior and got to talk to her some. Winnie’s not been mentally with it for a while. She was very, very happy, just couldn’t remember anything. She recognized people but couldn’t say their names. Anyway, we got a call on “the call” on the 29th, waited for the storms to end, then headed out at 2am. We made it in one go which was good but exhausting. When we got there at I guess around 1pm, Winnie was asleep although I guess you could say it was like a coma. Due to various things, she was snoring like mad.
At around 3pm, she started getting visitors. Holly, a staff person who has worked with Winnie for many years, came by even though it was her day off. Two people from hospice came to stay for a few hours. They were putting her on ‘vigil’ which meant someone would be with her 24hrs. This wonderful woman and her daughter-in-law were the only ones scheduled that day, though, and no one was scheduled until morning. Then the pastor came by (another wonderful woman), then another staff person from hospice. Then some other folks. At one point, there were about 7 or more women around Winnie’s bed, laughing as we told stories about her. There was no crying among us. It was exactly what Winnie would have wanted, I think.
We stayed with her until about 6pm then left to get some sleep. We had figured we’d go back at about 2am or so. Since no one was with her, we didn’t want to leave but we were barely safe to drive. At the hotel, I couldn’t sleep (my body refused since it was so early!) and Lorna slept only for a few minutes at a time. At about 9:30pm I told Lorna that most people die between 10pm and 2am so we got dressed and headed back. The room was dark, of course, since she had a room mate. We sat there, listening to her breathe. Starting at about 11 or so, her breath got more and more off rhythm. We thought she had died several times then she would snore really loud, scaring the shit out of us. At about 12:15 or so, the night shift came in to check her and roll her onto her other side. Then we sat in the dark again. She wasn’t snoring anymore, but we could hear her breath as she had a slight gurgle from the congestion. Then, she stopped. At about 12:45am, I called Karin, Lorna’s sister, to tell her that her mother was gone. Damn tough call.
As I had sat there in the dark with her, listening to her breathing, I began thinking of her and stuff I wished I had done and stuff about dying and stuff about her life. I knew that when I got home, I had to write it down.
After her body was taken care of, Lorna and I left and collapsed at the hotel. We didn’t sleep long, though. We got maybe 4hrs before we were awake again. When went to Boyertown to be with Karin and take care of things with the funeral home. Once that was done, we went to a flower place and picked out flowers. We basically just kinda sat around, watching their cats play. We headed home Saturday, got here Sunday, tried to rest, tried to get stuff done. Sunday, I sat down at this computer and wrote down what was in my head. It was demanding to be written. I didn’t have a choice. I wrote it in one go until it petered out. I saved it and closed it.
On Thursday (which would have been Winnie and Clarence’s 65th anniversary), with everything ready for us to leave again, I opened the document, edited it only a little, and printed out a copy for Lorna. There was no way I was going to be able to read it. I left it on her desk. Lorna loved it and asked if she could read it at the funeral. I said hell no. She asked if she could show it to Karin and of course I said yes.
We headed out again Thursday night, got to Boyertown Friday. While at Karin’s house, Lorna showed her the thing I had written. It got both of them crying again. Karin said it was perfect. That she had been trying to write something to read or have read at the funeral but nothing felt right. I was floored that she liked it so well. She asked if she or Lorna could read it and I agreed. We went Friday afternoon for a private viewing (why must we torture ourselves??). But it was a good thing because this big butch got to crack a little with only a few witnesses. At the funeral Saturday morning, Karin’s pastor did the service. He didn’t know Winnie but he’d heard a lot about her. He talked about her knitting. He said he understood that as she knitted, if she made a mistake, she would say “Ah shucks.” We all laughed because that’s NOT what she said. Clarence used to say, when she gave out a sweater or something, “There’s a lot of ‘oh shits’ in that one!”
At the end, before we left for the cemetery, Lorna read my ‘essay’. She did a good job. I hadn’t read it since I edited it but it was like I was hearing it for the first time. I’m not telling you about this paper to show off my skills. I am telling you about it because it was downright creepy at the strong impulse I had to write it. I hear writers say “It wrote itself.” I understand that phrase now.
At the grave site, we had requested a bag pipe player and boy howdee did that start the tears! It was butt cold up on that hill. The piper did a great job. We all got to put flowers on her casket. She’s at rest next to Clarence now. Well, her body is. She is somewhere else, probably getting into trouble.
We hated to do it but we headed home that afternoon and got back Sunday. I think we are just now finally feeling rested. Lorna caught a cold which is not surprising. I am making her take vitamins for a few weeks until her system catches up and re-balances. She never really grieved for her dad. Winnie was still around and it was like we shifted our concern to her. But with both of them gone, Lorna’s having to face both at once, as I am sure Karin is, too.
My essay about Winnie is long. If you are interested in reading it, I have made a different post for it: “A Letter For Winnie”. Below is Winnie’s obituary which can be found on the website for Catagnus Funeral Home.
Winifred H. Wolfe, 91, beloved mother
Winifred H. “Winnie†(Lightfoot) Wolfe, 91, formerly of Boyertown, wife of the late Clarence H. Wolfe, passed away on Friday at the Masonic Village at Elizabethtown.
Born in London, England, she was the daughter of the late Edwin G. and Ada (Lunn) Lightfoot.
Winnie was a machine operator for 10 years at the former Tung-Sol company in Boyertown and was a lace cutter at Mistee Lingerie Co in Boyertown for 4 years. She was a 50 year member of the Faith Chapter #444 Order of the Eastern Star in Boyertown and was a Girl Scout leader in Boyertown for 10 years. She was an avid knitter and a great cook who liked to share both abundantly.
Surviving are daughters Karin J. Pell, wife of Christopher, of Boyertown and Lorna K. Wolfe, wife of Paula Offutt, of Asheville, NC; granddaughter Jennifer Cope, wife of Brian, of Reading, great grandson Mason Cope; and numerous nieces and nephews. Along with her husband and parents, she is predeceased by her sister Lorna M. Lake and brother Peter Lightfoot.
A Funeral Service will be held on Saturday, 10:30AM at Catagnus Funeral Home & Cremation Center, Inc., 1020 E. Phila. Ave., Gilbertsville with Rev. John G. Pearson officiating. Visitation will be Saturday from 9:15AM to 10:15AM at the funeral home with an Eastern Star service to start at 10:15AM. Burial will follow in Fairview Cemetery, Boyertown.
In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made in Winifred’s name to the Masonic Villages at Elizabethtown, Office of Gift Planning, One Masonic Drive, Elizabethtown, PA 17022