Mistress Depression

When one says she/he has depression, that’s more than just “down in the dumps” and other variants. That means they are stuck there. Going out into the sunshine, taking a walk, etc doesn’t do much. Because the weight of that chemical imbalance in their brains doesn’t lift.

Hello, I’m Paula, and I have clinical depression.

I currently take two medications to assist with the depression. We have to regularly change my meds since my brain wants to return to what it think is normal (gloom, doom, despair) and finds ways to get around the medication’s effects. So by changing it often, the brain can’t do that and the cloud lifts. Some days are better than others, some days really stink from the algae at the bottom of the pit I am in.

It is hard to write, or at least I find it to be so, when one is depressed. I guess I could write like Poe. Or Hemingway. But, no, the stuff I write like that is all tragedy and conflicts that are unnecessary for the plot. And then the characters hate me so there’s that.

I am writing, though. Here and there. Tweaking what I have already written. Making notes for further along the book. Notes for other book ideas. I research quite often because an idea will hit me. I think about writing all the time. I just cannot actually do it.

So, there it is.