Month: December 2005

For more by the photographer, go to Yosemitefun.com.

Ever heard of an albino deer? Me either. But apparantly there is one near Nashville TN. Go check out my bud Winston’s article in his blog.

We all have family Christmas/holiday stories. You know, where someone tripped and fell and pulled the tree down, which scared the neighbors dog into having a heartattack. Okay, that one’s not funny, but it’s what I mean here.

My kid brother once got our dad a hammer for Christmas. Picked it out and wrapped it himself. Mom was proud of him for his wrapping skills. She was so excited that when dad picked it up to unwrap it, she exclaimed “Didn’t he do a good job wrapping it? You can’t even tell it’s a hammer!”

Of course, you could tell it was a hammer since Kev didn’t use a box but the point is, she revealed what was inside. I don’t think Kev’s ever forgiven her for that. 😉

Lorna and I have our own Christmas stories. Like why we don’t have a Christmas tree. Our first tree was a real one, bought just down the road from her parents house at a reputable place. It wouldn’t fit in the stand right so we wound up driving a nail into the wall and tying it upright. We watered it every day but by the time Christmas came, the needles were almost all gone. We had put a sheet under it and when we took the tree down, we just pulled the sheet up around it. We were laughing our asses off as we could literally hear the needles falling off. We peeked into the sheet and yep, the tree was completely bald!

But that’s not the reason we don’t have a tree. Later we got my stuff out of storage from Kentucky and I had an artificial tree amongst my crap stuff belongings. I think the only time it was completely up was our last year in Jersey. We move here in January. We put the tree that year on the floor like normal people do. Problem was, Zeus, who loved to lay under things, would crawl under the tree. We’d tell him to come out but instead of crawling out, he’d stand up. Oh, and I had this collection of cheap but cute wooden decorations. He ate two or three that year.

But that’s not the reason we don’t have a tree. We had it on the floor for a year or two then moved it up onto an upturned television box we were keeping the tree in. We could stand the 6′ tree up on this 2-3′ box because we have very tall ceilings. Anyway, we covered it with a white sheet then used the usual red ‘skirt’ on top. It actually looked good! Until the bottom of the box gave way and the tree fell down into the box. We used a thin sheet of plywood for a couple of years on top of the box. Oh, and we lost several more of those wooden decorations each year.

But that’s not the reason either. A few years ago, all sorts of things happened. One, Maggie (one of our dogs) had on that big helmet/collar that PopCorn has on now. Being a hound, Maggie has to sniff everything. So when she sniffed the tree, she’d turn her head and down would come the tree. After the third or fourth time of us moving it further back out of what we thought was her reach, she’d hit it again. Then the entire box collapsed. Then the cats decided that they’d get in on the fun. I think that was the year the last of the wooden decorations died.

And that is why we don’t have a Christmas tree. Well, not just that, but all of the years worth of frustration reached a peak. It just isn’t worth the effort, you know? We instead have lights on a wreath made of inch thick vine rope/stems and we hang it up high, over a doorway. We put garland on the stair railing and lights and decorations across the mantle. We had stopped using glass ornaments on the tree, instead hang them from the mantle. We also use a lot of candles. We do get a little festive, but not much.

What we’d like to do is put a tree outside. Maybe plant an understory tree and decorate it each year with lights and maybe some shiny stuff. I keep wanting to make a Star of David out of lights and wood and have Lorna put it on the roof. But she just gives me dirty looks.

One year Jake ate several Christmas candles–two santa’s I think–and for about a month, she had festive poop.

A few years ago, Mad Max had a broken leg and was confined to a wire crate in the living room. We briefly considered putting the tree up on top of it but snapped out of our delirium just in time.

One year mice took up residence in the tree box and ate the pretty red tree skirt and several stockings.

One year Maggie and Casey decided the gift boxes would make good chew toys.