Decided to steal from someone else this time. Hey, gotta spread their wealth about, ya know?
Berkeley just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named “Governmentium”.
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
This post was written ahead of time and scheduled to appear on line. If you are reading this, it worked. If you are not reading this, then this statement is gratuitous.