The Steps To Nowhere

Okay, well, they go to the attic but for such grand steps, they really go nowhere.

Step through the front doorway (watch out for the dogs who hopefully are snarling and trying to eat you for daring to come into the house) and immediately in front of you is a staircase (and snarling dogs). If all the crap was gone from them (flat, unused surfaces are fair game), you’d see dark, probably handmade, wooden steps. Up they go into a recessed rectangular hole in the ceiling. At the top is…well, it’s a door but it looks like part of the wall. It doesn’t have a real handle, just a bit of something to grab and pull on. After you pull the door toward you (and go down to steps so you have room), you see the inside of the door is covered with pink fluffy insulation. Why? I dunno. It was that way when we bought the place umpteen years ago. Two more steps up and, if it is summer, you are now in the Attic Furnace. Enjoy! If it is winter, you are now in the Attic Freezer. Enjoy! And watch your head. Low ceiling.

But back to the steps. Now you have to climb down. Shut the door behind you. I’d hate for you to go back up there to find the cat. Shut the door hard then come on down. Kinda steep, ain’t they? Enjoy your trip to Nowhere? By now the dogs have probably forgot you were here and now remember. Try to not bleed on the floor. It’s a bitch to get blood out of that old, splintery pine.

Seriously, the steps are a waste of space other than they are a bookshelf. And dog supply storage. And shoe storage. We want to remove them and add several more feet to the living room. Except for one thing: under the steps is our only closet. We store our coats there. And two dog crates, some boxes of books, a tent, and, I hope, a roof antenna for 2 meters (ham radio speak for 144.0-148.0 MHz). From in there, you can see the blade marks from where they cut the wood. The steps also cover one of those WTFs we have with this old house. It is covering what looks to be where they cut the wall to make a door into the bedroom. No clue why since the existing door is original (it has the big threshold) and they’d have had to remove the steps to cut it but why? Then why put the steps back? If it were just to access the storage under the steps, why cut a full door size hole? The cuts are on the bedroom side of the wall, too. We scratch our heads a lot over that one.

Back to the attic. I think someone is living up there. We often come home and smell the attic like someone had the door open. And we smell odd things like food we haven’t cooked and several times we smell cigarette smoke. The other night, it was pot. Yes, the Attic Entity likes to kick back and smoke some of that wacky weed.

After reading this, you probably think I smoke it, too.