We who blog must always keep in mind that what we say is public. Anyone who cares to can read it. And that includes people we know, we work with, we live with, etc. etc. This is such an important thing to remember, so important that the EFF has written a legal guide for bloggers.
I try to keep this in mind for all of my websites. I decided that on the internet I would be myself. Lying only makes telling the truth more difficult. One has to remember what was said, making sure to keep the “facts” straight. The biggest problem with lying is that it is far too easy to begin to believe it as truth.
Many years ago, 12 or more years that is, I set up my first website. It was part of the Mindspring site so it never really got that big. Then I bought my own after leaving that ISP and HolyRoller.org was born. HolyRoller is a nickname I was given by my fellow delegates at a denomination conference. It kinda stuck, like nicknames often do. HolyRoller.org was set up intially as an ego-site (I am Paula, hear/read me roar) but grew to include disability resource information and life as a crip. HolyRoller.org is still all that although I don’t maintain it as much as I used to.
Some sections of that site have remained the same since its original conception with Mindspring. After all, what changes but the present and future? One section that has remained the same is my introduction to my family, a group of oddballs that I am rather fond of. But as of yesterday, that introduction has changed. I have deleted the original preface and inserted a much blander one. Why? Well, that is the purpose to this essay.
We all have family members blood relatives we no longer communicate with. Some are because of distance, others because, well, we can’t stand them. The preface that has been changed referred to one of my blood relatives that I no longer communicate with. I wanted to mention him merely in hopes of avoiding later confusion. For example, if I said “my brothers and I used to…”, one might wonder what happened to the other one.
My older brother and I haven’t seen each other in years. I think the last time was at a Christmas gathering back in ’92. He is rather opinionated about things, as am I, and we often banged heads over even trivial things. As adults that head banging became rougher, more serious. I understand his way of thinking, since I am similar in pig-headedness. But that is where we stop being similar.
I may not like what a family member says or does but I will defend to the death their right to say or do it. I may call their ideas and opinions stupid, but I try to not refer to them as being stupid. I don’t often succeed at that goal, but at least I try.
My elder sibling, however, is the opposite. It has always been his way or no way.
For many years, all three of us siblings were estranged from our paternal parent. Then, the oldest decided to switch sides. I am not sure why, I have my suspicions though. The next several years were confusing and painful for all of us. Then I moved to NC. He could no longer attempt to manipulate me or taunt me.
I won’t say here what happened over those years. It is in the past. I have moved on and grown from it. As has my younger brother. I love my mother and younger brother for who they are now. What they did or did not do in the past is not an issue. It is how we live our lives now that matters. Facing up to our errors is what makes one’s soul clean.
Recently, the elder sibling found out about the preface in the aforementioned webpage. As usual, he went nuts over it, blowing it far out of proportion. He even went as far as to call Mom and whine to her about it. Now Mom’s sibling has chosen to respond by commenting on another essay I wrote here.
I guess I should feel honored that my words are that powerful! But instead I can only see the muck that has been made as a result. Old wounds have been reopened, tempers have flared and more words have been said. And even though my original words were not intended to hurt anyone (well, maybe a little), they have been percieved as being hurtful and that is as bad.
Lorna, in her wisdom and her distance from the situation, believes that the best way to avoid conflict is to never mention the elder sibling again. I think I will take her advice and do just that. Well, after I finish this essay and one other I am working on.