I was catching up on my friends’ sites/blogs today and of course went to Sophia’s LiveJournal blog. She had a post about the Bulwer-Lytton contest. The winner this year did great!
I’m still skimming down through the winners of the various sections (dishonorable mentions). I about wet my pants over this one:
Winner: Children’s Literature
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe who had so much equity (because our story, dear children, is set in Miami’s hot real estate market) that she upgraded the exterior to blue suede siding as a tribute to her idol, Elvis, moved her kids to a bootee out back, and then reopened the place as the “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” motel (but you’ll have to wait until you’re 18 to read any further).
Barbara Bridges
Sierra Madre, CA
Then I came across these:
Special Salute to Breasts Category
As she sashayed out of the police station, her high heels clicking a staccato rhythm on the hard tile floor, like a one-armed castanet player in a very bad mariachi band, her ample bosom held in check only by a diaphanous blouse, and bouncing at each step like a 1959 tricked out Low-rider Chevy with very good hydraulics—she smiled to herself as she thought of the titillating interrogation from Detective Tipple about the Twin Peaks Melon Heist.
Wayne Spivey, Major, USAF Retired
Huntsville, TexasWhen she sashayed across the room, her breasts swayed like two house trailers passing on a windy bridge.
Stan Higley
Fairport, NYAlthough Brandi had been named Valedictorian and the outfit for her speech carefully chosen to prove that beauty and brains could indeed mix, she suddenly regretted her choice of attire, her rain-soaked T-shirt now valiantly engaging in the titanic struggle between the tensile strength of cotton and Newton’s first law of motion.
Mark Schweizer
Hopkinsville, KY